…You are forced to see through a different perspective.
A lower and slower perspective…
Normally I am a pretty busy Mama.
Whether or not I am really that ‘busy’, it’s just in my nature to make sure that I am. Does that make sense? There’s always something to clean or cook or take out or put away. Without realizing it I can fill a whole day and not really know what exactly I did, just that I was constantly doing.
It’s one of those blessings/cursings all wrapped in one. It’s not good to be idle or lazy. But neither is it a good thing to be so busy that you miss the important things/people in your life.
I have always struggled with finding a balance. Even though my children are home with me all the time, there are still times when I find myself at the end of a day, tucking them in and thinking, I haven’t really seen you all day! I had been too busy.
I once heard a friend say, “You can still neglect your kids even if you’re home with them all day.”
Olivia was still a baby and I didn’t believe her really. But the more independent they become, the easier it is.
Baby #4 has made me slow down like I’ve not had to in a very long time. Maybe ever. And I’m kinda glad. Did I enjoy being that sick, no. Ugh! I can’t even let my mind go there! I’m not completely over it…
But I was thankful for the unexpected halt in our life. In a way.
I was forced to notice what I normally miss.
A facial expression.
A funny joke.
A kind act.
Seeing their hearts.
Hearing what they’re really thinking.
Even the fights and arguments. Many times I was forced to stop, let some things go, not get involved when I normally would have, let them work things out.
Entrusting their disobedience to the Lord when I didn’t have the energy or brain power to deal with it.
Have I had (many) moments of frustration, of feeling sorry for myself? Have I had my own melt downs while lying on the couch and just cried? Has it been hard?
I think you know the answer.
But I am so thankful for the sweetness of our Savior. To whisper encouragement to me in the smile of my little one, the sweet, hard hug of another, running her hair through my fingers… it being ok, this being bound for the time being.
It’s been nice to sit and take it all in for a change. And I pray I don’t forget this hard learned lesson.