I have been home 5 days now. It has been so wonderful being with my husband and children. I have enjoyed seeing all they have had to show me and hearing all they have had to tell me.
But it has been hard as well. I was really hoping I would bye-pass this part of the mission trip. Why does coming home and readjusting to life have to be so hard?
I am not struggling this time with being back in America and being away from Ukraine. Last time that was a huge part of the struggle for me. I felt guilty for being an American and living in America.
This time has been different. This trip was so different. We saw God work in ways that we could have never imagined. We saw Him take the victory in these women’s lives. We saw Him use us! It was mind blowing.
Then I come home to three whiny children who have been without their mother for two weeks and appear to have forgotten all that I have worked so hard to instill in them for the past, oh I don’t know, their entire lives!!
And I am left with the overwhelming feeling of, I can’t do this. How could I have the courage to go to a foreign country and speak to women who speak a foreign language about their abortions and a God who wants to heal them. And not have the courage or even the ability to speak to my five year old about his bad attitude?
I have felt very weak and inadequate and overwhelmed with my inability.
It’s crazy how you can go from such a high ‘high’ to such a low ‘low’. I don’t really know how to make sense of it or how to shake it. It just doesn’t seem right and I feel so self-focused. Hmm… reminds me of a lesson I just taught last week on depression. Maybe I should go and reteach it… to myself.