We are going on 17 hours of travel right now. And we have several more to go. We are on the long flight across the Atlantic. The more I travel the more I hate it. Thankfully there is always something wonderful on the other side. Right now I am trying to stay awake for some reason. We didn’t get business class like we had hoped and I don’t really want to try and sleep in this uncomfortable chair. Otherwise it will make me feel worse I think than if I just try and stay awake. So if things don’t make sense, you know why.
I cannot wait to get ahold of my children and my husband and plant a nice wet kiss on each of them!! I can’t believe it has really been 2 weeks since I saw them. Being away from them was the thing I was most worried about. That I would be all consumed with missing them. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to focus on what I had come to do.
But thankfully God provided in that area as well. I didn’t miss them to the point of distraction like I expected to. That probably makes me sound like a terrible wife and mother! But in reality it was another very specific answer to my prayer. I have been away from them before and missed them so much I was absolutely useless. I knew it couldn’t be like that this time. We had to be extremely focused. And I knew that I would not be able to do it on my own. I am thankful God didn’t allow me to feel useless until about two days ago.
After the study ended I experienced a lot of emotion. It took me a few days to process what I was feeling and put words to it. I still don’t think I have the right words.
I was so overwhelmed with what I had watched God do. I was overwhelmed with what I had heard from these 3 women. What they had come as and who they had left as! I was overwhelmed that God had chosen to use us, that He had seen fit to privilege us with this opportunity. I am forever grateful. I was, and still am, overwhelmed with the weight of this burden. What’s next is what I keep asking myself. Is what I have been asked by so many. When are you coming back? When can we do this again? How can we do it better next time? When are you going to learn Russian?? I wish I had an answer to all of those questions. What is post-abortion ministry supposed to look like now in this small city of Vinnytsia?
And then I was overwhelmed with the tremendous desire to be home. To be with my children. To be with my husband, who has been such a wonderful support. He has had to sacrifice so much so that I could fulfill this calling. It is not just me who God called, but him too. It didn’t overwhelm me until it could.
It reminds me of the time when I got in a car accident. I was 18 and was on the way to church. Of course I had my sister and one of the pastor’s kids in the car with me! Yeah, perfect timing… I held it together while talking to the police, filling out the report, receiving my ticket. But once it was all taken care of and a good friend stopped by to help out, I lost it. I was a shaking, crying mess.
Thankfully I haven’t been too much of a mess. But I do feel extremely anxious to get home. I just can’t get there fast enough! I am willing the plane to move faster and faster.
I’m comin’ HOME!!!